I am rediscovering a truth about myself: I was made to study and to write. When I do not do these things, it doesn't take long for me to begin to feel like something is off-center deep within me, and I start to notice that I am hardly breathing. Then, once I begin to engage in these activities again - almost on a daily basis, I not only feel like I'm centered once again, but I feel like I am breathing again, as though I am truly living. Learning through studying, and writing to process what I'm learning and the truths God shows me along the way, are the things that cause me to truly come alive. This awareness convinces me that these activities must be a central part of my daily rhythm of life. Without them, I simply exist, but I do not fully live.
I wonder if this is true for all people? Is this something God has built into us, so that when we are engaging in the specific work for which he has designed us, do we all have this sense of being fully alive? And if we do not do this specific work, do we all have a sense of not truly living? I wonder. . .
In any case, once again God has broght me face-to-face with the truth about myself: I must be reading, actively studying and processing by writing that which I am learning. I have also noticed that the topics always seem to be about biblical theological and spirituality. I know God does not waste anything he does in our lives; all that he does in us throughout our lifetime is intentional, and it is designed to fulfill the purposes he longs to accomplish through us in his world. Therefore, I must believe, even when I do not see or understand, that my drive to study a partiular topic is part of God's intentional design and plan for my life, and that he will use it to further his purposes in his world, for the sake of his kingdom.
Last summer I had a similar experience: I felt compelled to start this blog, which became a learning experience in itself! I also felt led to start transcribing over a dozen large notebooks filled with hand-written journals. Once I started the transcription process, I quickly realized I also needed a database to track the topics in my journals throughout my lifetime, so I learned how to set up and use a database. I began those projects with a great deal of energy, focus and determination. But somewhere along the line I lost stight of their importance and gradually stopped working on them. God reminded me today of the importance of this work from last summer, as well as the importance of my current topics of study: Pauline theology and spiritual mentoring.
Thus, today, I recommited to being intentional on a daily basis to work on one of these projects. None of them will be done easily or quickly, so they require true discipline and ongoing intentionality on my part. However, with the truth imbedded deeply in my mind and heart - the truth that God calls me to do this type of work - enables me to be intentional, focused, disciplined and faithful.
It is so very easy for me to get sidetracked into things that others do, in essence, to live life accordding to the rhythm of others. But I cannot permit myself to do so. I must make these study and writing projects my top prioroty. This can be a lonely road, as I do not know anyone else who is called to such a path. However, I know God is taking me through this process, and inviting me to do this specific work, because it is foundational for what will come in the future. . .again, because God does not waste anything!
So, with renewed focus, determination, and excitement, I embark on this road, again, of studying and writing. We will see where it takes me.
Question: What deep inner desire is trying to work its way to the surface of your life? Are you paying attention to it, giving it space and time in your daily life? Are you talking with God about it? If not... why not? And, if so, then I assume that you, too, are experiencing the fullness of life that God intends for you to experience. Blessings on your journey!